Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Kansas State University: NON-CUSTODIAL MOTHERS: THEMATIC TRENDS AND FUTURE DIRECTIONS

 

Non-custodial Mothers: Thematic Trends and Future Directions

Michelle Bemiller 1*

1 Kansas State University

Copyright © 2008 Blackwell Publishing Ltd

Sociology Compass 2/3 (2008): 910–924, 10.1111/j.1751-9020.2008.00117.x

ABSTRACT

The non-custodial mother is an anomaly. She does not live with her children on a full-time basis, putting her outside of the dominant expectations associated with motherhood. Although there has been an increase in the number of non-custodial mothers in recent years, information on the experience of being a non-custodial mother is minimal. The majority of our knowledge of non-custodial mothers stems from research conducted during the mid-1980s through the 1990s. This research was primarily descriptive in nature, lacking theoretical density. This article provides an overview of research completed on non-custodial mothers over the past two decades, with attention to the family and the role of the courts. After reviewing past research, the current state of the field is discussed, and future research directions are suggested.


DIGITAL OBJECT IDENTIFIER (DOI)

10.1111/j.1751-9020.2008.00117.x About DOI

Article Text

For well over two decades, scholars have examined the connection between being a woman and motherhood (Schur 1984; Glenn 1994; Hays 1996). Early research examined the quality of mothering and its effects on children. More recent research has focused on mothers’ activities and the meaning attached to motherhood, drawing attention to the intensive nature of mothering in western society (Hays 1996; Arendell 2000). Feminist scholars have critiqued this literature, arguing that our knowledge of mothers has been based on a white, heterosexual woman’s point of view (Collins 1990;Glenn 1994). As a result, recent motherhood scholarship has drawn attention to mothers who do not fit the dominant ideology of motherhood–mothers of color, working mothers, single mothers, lesbian mothers, and non-custodial mothers, to name a few. These mothers, often referred to as resistant mothers, do not fit neatly into the intensive motherhood paradigm (Garey 1999; Glenn 1994; Hill Collins 1987).

One such mother, the non-custodial mother, is the subject of this article. Although it is true that women still receive custody of children in the majority of custody cases, the custodial father has become more visible over the years. Despite the increase in the number of non-custodial mothers, little information exists on this population as Arditti and Madden-Derdich (1993), Arditti (1995), Fischer and Cardea (1981), and Greif (1987a, 1997) have noted. In an attempt to synthesize the scholarship on non-custodial mothers, this article provides an overview of research completed on non-custodial mothers over the past two decades, drawing attention to shifts in the scholarly coverage of these women. After reviewing past research, the current state of the field is discussed, and future research directions are suggested.

Non-custodial mothers: The 1980s and 1990s

The structure and content of research on non-custodial mothers is the product of social and political forces operating from decade to decade. The majority of our knowledge of non-custodial mothers stems from research completed during the mid-1980s through the 1990s (see Arditti 1995; Arditti and Madden-Derdich 1993; Babcock 1997; Chesler 1986; Christensen et al. 1990; Clumpus 1996; Dolan and Hoffman 1998; Edwards 1989; Ferguson 1994; Fischer 1983; Fischer and Cardea 1981; Fox and Kelly 1995;Furstenburg et al. 1983; Greif 1987a, b; Greif 1997; Greif and Pabst 1988; Herrerias 1984; Herrerias 1995; Hetherington 1993; Maccoby and Mnookin 1992; Meyers and Lakin 1983; Rosen and Etlin 1996; Santora and Hays 1998, Stewart 1999a, b; Zuravin and Greif 1989). During this time, fathers started to receive custody of children in increasing numbers, placing non-custodial mothers under the social microscope. As indicated by the title of Harriett Edwards’ (1989) book, as more and more mothers lost or gave up custody of their children, the question on the minds of society was, How Could You? These thoughts, of course, were intimately connected with the notion that mothers should have primary custody of their children because of their nurturing and loving characteristics – these notions still permeate our society today, affecting the actions of both mothers and fathers. As a case in point, Cowdery and Knudson-Martin’s (2005) qualitative analysis of 50 couples pointed to an unequal division of childcare labor between mothers and fathers. This division of labor was created based on idealized beliefs about motherhood. As a result, mothers were intimately connected with children, whereas fathers were encouraged to step aside (see also Aldous et al. 1998). In these families, and within society at large, this lesser involvement of fathers was expected and tolerated (see also Hochschild 1989) because of the belief that mothers should, by virtue of their gender, be the primary caretakers of children. For mothers who do not have custody of their children, this ideology is problematic on a personal and social level.

In an attempt to better understand these mothers’ experiences of custody loss as well as their individual experiences as non-custodial mothers, scholarly research increased in the social sciences. The focus of this research ranged from individual experiences of mothers (i.e., social judgments and relationships with children) to structural processes that influenced women’s experiences (i.e., reasons for relinquishment and letter of the law).

One structural change that has led to women’s loss of custody is the family courts’ movement toward gender neutrality. The movement toward a gender neutral custody process emerged in the family courts around 1970 and gained momentum during the 1980s (Fox and Kelley 1995). Gender neutrality – the idea that both mothers and fathers can equally parent their children – challenged the historical notion that mothers are better suited to care for young children emotionally and physically than fathers (i.e., ‘the tender years doctrine’). As more women entered the workforce and the culture began to open up regarding parental roles, fathers started to become more active in caregiving. As a result, in family court, it was no longer assumed that mothers were the better parent and fathers began to seek and gain custody in increasing numbers (Fox and Kelley 1995; Greif and Pabst 1988; Greif 1995; Thompson 1983).

According to Chesler (1986), the by product of this ‘gender-neutral approach’ was a court system that privileged fathers’ rights over mothers’ rights as judges expressed their approval of fathers’ involvement while at the same time scrutinizing mother’s maternal responsibilities. Fathers’ suitability as custodial parents was further endorsed when economic stability was added into the equation. In a study completed for the American Bar Association, Mason (1997) found that custody decisions mentioned economic stability 46.5% of the time. Generally speaking, men have an economic advantage over women, putting women in a precarious position in custody cases.

Research by Babcock (1997), Chesler (1986), Greif and Pabst (1988), and Herrerias (1984, 1995) rigorously examined the experiences of non-custodial mothers through the lens of social psychology, social work, and symbolic interactionism. These works contributed a great deal to what we know about non-custodial mothers’ experiences during the 1980s on both an interpersonal and structural level. These are notable exceptions to what consisted mostly of descriptive studies that provided a great deal of background information about women’s experiences, but failed to rigorously examine women’s experiences through a theoretical lens.

Methodologically speaking, it is important to point out that the research completed during this time varied tremendously. Some studies used quantitative data collection methods, yielding large samples of non-custodial mothers (see Greif and Pabst 1988;Herrerias 1984), whereas other studies used qualitative methods involving interviews with small samples of non-custodial mothers (see Clumpus 1996; Ferguson 1994 for two examples of qualitative scholarship). In addition, differences also existed regarding survey instruments used during data collection (see Greif and Pabst 1988; Herrerias 1984). Because the quality and specificity of the data within these studies varied significantly, caution must be taken when comparing studies to one another.

That having been said, the studies completed during the 1980s and 1990s provided much needed insight into the lives of non-custodial mothers. Research focused on social beliefs about non-custodial mothers, reasons for relinquishing custody of children, relationships with children, adjustment to the status of non-custodial mother, and the family courts.

SOCIAL JUDGMENTS

Studies during the 1980s and 1990s indicated that non-custodial mothers experienced a great deal of social stigma because of the loss of their children. In a comparison study of custodial (n = 14) and non-custodial mothers (n = 17), Fischer and Cardea (1981) found that mothers, regardless of their custodial status, felt that society had a negative view of women who had relinquished custody of their children. This study also found that over half of the non-custodial mothers had received negative reactions from friends and family due to the loss of their children.

In 1983, Fischer polled 34 respondents from the human development and family studies faculty as well as graduate students at a university in West Texas regarding attitudes toward couples with children and couples living childfree lifestyles (i.e., homosexual couples, cohabiting heterosexual couples, empty nest couples, married couples without children, couples who lost children to accidents, and non-custodial parents). Using a 7-point scale, respondents were asked to rank the categories on two dimensions: whether the situation was common or uncommon in society and whether society approved or disapproved of this lifestyle. Findings indicated that respondents thought society most disapproved of homosexual couples and non-custodial mothers.

In her study of 100 mothers, Edwards (1989) reported mixed results regarding non-custodial experiences. Some of the women in her study spoke of being stigmatized by family, friends, and acquaintances, whereas others pointed to the strong support that they received from people in their lives. Thus, not all women incurred harsh judgments because of their status.

Ferguson (1994) used two case studies to highlight the experience of being a non-custodial mother. Using these two cases as well as past literature, Ferguson pointed out that women are prepared for the role of mother through gender socialization from an early age. Furthermore, the mothers are blamed for children’s pathologies, are expected to be self-sacrificing, and experience inequality when they work in the paid labor force. These stereotypes, and the outcomes from these stereotypes, led to negative evaluations of non-custodial mothers and also affected women’s choices when relinquishing custody (see also Babcock 1997). Accordingly, Ferguson recommended support groups to help non-custodial mothers adjust to this role.

Using one on one interviews obtained through Mothers Apart from Their Children (MATCH), Clumpus (1996) explored the lives of 10 non-custodial mothers. Her goal was to understand how the social construction of non-custodial mothers as ‘unfit’ parents affected these women’s self-perceptions. Clumpus (1996) found that the non-custodial mothers in her sample perceived themselves as deficient and blamed themselves for their non-custodial status. Because of these perceptions, the mothers separated themselves from their children, family, and friends.

Using a convenience sample of 120 participants from the general population (60 male and 60 female), Dolan and Hoffman (1998) conducted a study of perceptions of parent custodial status using vignettes depicting persons as married parents, divorced parents with custody, and divorced persons without custody. Their findings indicated that participants were most likely to rate both mothers and fathers who were non-custodial parents negatively. However, over all other parental forms, non-custodial mothers were the most negatively evaluated parents in the study.

Babcock (1997) focused on the effect that non-custodial status had on the salience of identity and general self-esteem for non-custodial mothers. Her most important finding was that all of the 41 non-custodial mothers that were interviewed had experienced negative appraisals on at least one occasion. In order to compensate for these negative appraisals, Babcock deduced that the non-custodial mothers were attempting to fit the ideal model of mothering by altering their mothering role to more closely match social expectations of mothers. According to Babcock’s analysis, the mothers increased physical visitation and contact by phone and letter, showing their dedication to their children. When these efforts to be more like ‘traditional’ mothers failed, the mothers redefined their mothering role, becoming more like sisters, aunts, or friends to their children. The participants claimed that these relationships were mutually satisfying for themselves and their children.

REASONS FOR RELINQUISHMENT

Throughout the 1980s and 1990s, mothers gave up or lost custody of their children for a variety of reasons. Some of these reasons included inability to financially support children, children choosing to remain with their father or another custodial caregiver, mothers’ emotional difficulties, and the courts’ view that fathers were the better parents – usually because of one of the reasons listed (Arditti and Madden-Derdich 1993;Fischer and Cardea 1981; Fischer 1983; Greif and Pabst 1988; Herrerias 1984;Meyers and Lakin 1983; Santora and Hays 1998; Zuravin and Greif 1989). These studies distinguished between voluntary and involuntary relinquishment of custody. In voluntary cases, mothers chose to give up custody of their children. In involuntary cases, the mothers were forced by the courts to give up custody due to their perceived inability to care for the children (Herrerias 1995). In a departure from these descriptive analyses, Clumpus (1996) examined the repercussions of lack of resources on mothers and children, finding that mothers felt that the unequal distribution of power between them and their ex-spouses led to their children becoming tactical pawns in their ex-husbands’ attempts to control the post-divorce relationship between them and their children.

RELATIONSHIPS WITH CHILDREN

For the most part, mothers were involved with their children after giving up or losing custody. Greif (1987b) found increased mother involvement when: (i) the father shared responsibility for the break-up with the ex-wife; (ii) custody was gained through mutual agreement; (iii) the father was earning the higher income; (iv) the father was raising one or two children (rather than three or more); and (v) the mother lived nearby. Using questionnaire responses from 1,136 custodial fathers, Greif found that 73 percent of fathers indicated that their ex-wives were somewhat or slightly involved with their children, whereas only 7 percent of the men indicated that their ex-wives were very involved. It should be noted that these findings were only indicative of face-to-face interaction; they did not account for contact by mail or telephone.

In a comparison of non-custodial mothers and fathers, Furstenburg, Peterson, Nord, and Zill (1983) indicated that mothers were more likely to have higher levels of contact with children than non-custodial fathers. Non-custodial mothers were more likely to visit their children regularly, to have overnight visits, and to write letters and phone the children. These results, however, should be looked at with caution given the difference between the sample of non-custodial fathers (n = 395) and the sample of non-custodial mothers (n = 28).

In 1984, Herrerias reported results from 18 page questionnaires collected from non-custodial mothers who lived in Texas, Oklahoma, and New York. Her findings indicated that upon relinquishment, roughly 97% of the 130 women in her sample maintained an active relationship with their children. The majority (71%) were happy with their decision to give up custody, and with their mother–child relationships. Nearly 77 percent described their relationships with their children as close and caring. Greif and Pabst (1988) analyzed 517 questionnaires that were disseminated to non-custodial mothers through the Parents Without Partners magazine and through the Mothers Without Custody organization. Findings indicated that mothers remained involved with their children after relinquishing custody. Out of 517 non-custodial mothers, roughly 23 percent of the mothers claimed to be very involved, 33 percent were somewhat involved, 29 percent were slightly involved, and 15 percent were not involved at all.

In an attempt to fully understand the relationship between non-custodial mothers and their children, the research in the 1990s focused on both quantity and quality of visitation. Although past research from the 1980s addressed the issue of quality to a degree, most of the attention focused on quantity of visitation, excluding parents’ actual involvement in their children’s daily lives and activities. As Greif (1997) noted, parents may pay child support and visit their children regularly, but this is not indicative of involvement in their children’s daily lives. For example, non-custodial fathers have been dubbed ‘Disneyland Dads’ because they do not actively participate in their children’s day-to-day routine (e.g., helping with homework), but instead engage in social and recreational activities (Hetherington 1993).

In two studies completed by Arditti, quantity of visitation was addressed, but quality of visitation was largely ignored. Arditti and Madden-Derdich (1993) found that over half of the 13 mothers in their study indicated that they saw their children several times a month and felt that the visitations went well, for the most part. Mothers did, however, report that they felt a decline in closeness with their children after the divorce.

Arditti (1995) argued that there are clear distinctions between non-custodial mothers and fathers, especially with regards to involvement with their children. The literature cited in this review pointed to the fact that mothers were much more likely to feel a connection with their children despite their living arrangements, and that they were more likely to try to maintain an active relationship with their children through visitation, phoning, mailing letters, etc. Although this article focused on the connection between mothers and children, involvement in children’s day-to-day lives was ignored.

In their work, Maccoby and Mnookin (1992) examined divorced families in California, showing that non-custodial mothers were more involved in day-to-day aspects of parenting such as buying clothes, keeping track of doctor appointments, and supervising homework than were non-custodial fathers. Non-custodial fathers also reported more problems monitoring their children’s activities during visitation than did non-custodial mothers.

Using the 1987 to 1988 National Survey of Families and Households, Stewart (1999a) addressed structural impediments to visitation activities (e.g., living far away from children and lack of finances), a finding that parents who lived further away from their children were less likely to see their children and when they did see their children were more likely to participate in leisure activities rather than school or organized activities. Parents with low levels of education were more likely to focus on leisure activities when they were with their children. Level of earnings had no impact on the choice to participate in leisure versus school activities. Overall, Stewart’s findings revealed that both non-custodial mothers and fathers have similar types of visitation patterns, leading to the conclusion that emotional issues and practical barriers make day-to-day contact with children difficult to maintain, regardless of parents’ gender.

In a similar analysis using the same dataset, Stewart (1999b) found that non-resident mothers were slightly more likely to maintain contact via phone and mail than fathers. About 30 percent of non-resident mothers talked to their children several times a week compared with 20 percent of fathers. She found no difference between how many times mothers and fathers saw their children during the year. Yet, overall, children spent significantly more weeks visiting non-resident mothers than fathers. Over two thirds of non-resident fathers reported never having had their children come to stay with them compared with half of mothers. Over one third of non-resident mothers reported that their child stayed with them for over one month in the last year, compared with only 14 percent of fathers.

ADJUSTMENT AND COPING

Adjusting to and coping with the role of non-custodial parent can be a complex process. Scholarship during the 1980s and 1990s indicated that some women adapted quickly and coped well in their new parenting role, whereas others experienced difficulties associated with relinquishing their children. Greif (1987a) found that one third of his sample of 517 non-custodial mothers were comfortable being non-custodial parents, were comfortable telling people that they were non-custodial parents, did not feel guilty about their non-custodial status, felt the children were better off where they were (i.e., outside of mothers’ custody), and were satisfied with their relationship with their children. Focusing on these women’s experiences, Greif (1987a) found that mothers’ comfort was most highly correlated with their satisfaction with their relationship with their children, not feeling guilt, and believing that the children were better off with their fathers. Personal factors that were predictors of comfort included the choice to voluntarily give up custody, the reason the mother gave for the divorce (e.g., if she felt that the blame was shared she was better off), the reason why the mother did not have custody (e.g., mothers whose children wanted to live with their father were better adjusted), the stress at the time of relinquishment (i.e., mothers who felt less stress were better adjusted), mother’s religion (i.e., those with no religious affiliation felt more comfortable), and the way the mothers dealt with changes in their lifestyles (i.e., those who felt content with a changing financial lifestyle were more comfortable as non-custodial mothers).

In their book Mothers Without Custody, Greif and Pabst (1988) found that women who demonstrated the highest level of adjustment reported seeing their children often and having grown up in a family with liberal views on the role of mothers and fathers in children’s lives. Similar to Greif (1987a) and Greif and Pabst (1988), Edwards (1989) found that out of the 100 non-custodial mothers she surveyed, more than 90 percent expressed satisfaction with their decision to relinquish custody because they felt that it was in the best interests of the children financially, physically, and emotionally.

Fischer and Cardea (1981), on the other hand, found that mothers had a difficult time coping with their non-custodial status. This research indicated that non-custodial mothers were under a great deal of stress, were economically disadvantaged, and lacked a sufficient support system. Herrerias (1984) asked 130 women to reflect on their experiences with custody relinquishment. Twenty-two percent of these mothers regretted their custody decision, citing experiences with low self-esteem and non-psychotic depression.

Edwards (1989) found that the women in her study used a variety of coping tactics, some positive and some negative. Methods of coping included staying in contact with children, keeping a journal about their feelings, staying physically active, reading self-help books, using pills and alcohol, going to therapy, staying active with people, and staying busy.

Santora and Hays (1998) asked their 26 participants how they had coped with the status of non-custodial parent. The majority pointed to the need for a non-judgmental social support network composed of family, friends, other non-custodial mothers, and support groups to help them in adjusting to this role. When asked what they would recommend to other women in similar positions, the women recommended redefining one’s role as a mother, recognizing that this is a time for grieving, allowing this process to take place, using prayer and spirituality, educating oneself about women’s issues, and doing things for your children (e.g., making scrapbooks). Of the 26 women inSantora and Hays’ (1996) study, the majority (69 percent) experienced significant levels of anxiety and/or depressive symptoms, half reported significant health problems, and five of the women were using antidepressants.

THE COURTS

The research of the 1990s began to focus on women’s experiences within the court system and how custody was actually determined within the legal system. As more fathers were awarded custody of their children, the reasons for this increase were explored as well as mothers’ visitation, child support, and overall treatment in the system. Using data from 509 divorce cases in Michigan during the early 1980s, Fox and Kelly (1995) examined who was most likely to receive sole physical custody in final court judgments. Their findings indicated substantial gender differences in the effects of socioeconomic and legal process variables on custody outcomes.

More specifically, they found that fathers were more likely to gain custody of older male children than female children. When shifting attention to socioeconomic factors in custody decisions, they found that mothers were more likely to be awarded custody of their children if they had a college degree. Education did not play a role in the court-based custody decision for fathers. Mothers’ income had no effect on whether or not she obtained custody. On the other hand, fathers with high incomes were less likely to have custody of their children. This was not because the court was unlikely to give higher income fathers custody, but was related to the high opportunity costs involved in being the sole custodial parent of a child or children. In other words, these fathers opted to not go for custody. Courts were less likely to give custody to unemployed fathers while women’s employment status had no effect on custody decisions.

Shifting to the legal process, findings indicated that when husbands were the plaintiffs in custody cases, they were more likely to obtain sole custody of the children (Chesler 1986; Fox and Kelly 1995). Fox and Kelly (1995) argued that this finding was indicative of the shift to gender-neutral custody outcomes. This study also found that when a court investigation took place regarding the children’s current living situation that fathers were more likely to gain custody of the children.

Using 1153 court case records from 10 Minnesota counties in 1986, Christensen, Dahl, and Rettig (1990) examined the differences in treatment of non-custodial mothers and fathers by the courts. Christensen et al. (1990) found that non-custodial mothers pay child support less frequently than non-custodial fathers. More specifically, out of 114 non-custodial mother cases, 38 mothers paid support. When non-custodial mothers paid child support, they also paid less child support than non-custodial fathers (i.e., 20 percent of their income versus 25 percent of fathers’ income). Upon closer inspection, it was found that non-custodial mothers pay less because of their disproportionately low incomes in comparison with men. More specifically, non-custodial mothers had a net yearly income that was about 63 percent of non-custodial fathers. Non-custodial mothers were likely to be employed in jobs with few fringe benefits and were also less likely to have pensions in comparison with non-custodial fathers.

To some degree, studies during the 1990s drew attention to the connection between child custody and domestic violence. Rosen and Etlin (1996), for example, found that judges were more likely to give custody of children to abusive fathers because of the assumption that battered mothers were unable to take care of themselves (i.e., could not stop the abuse) and therefore could not care for or protect their children.

The non-custodial mother: Current knowledge (2000 to present)

The descriptive studies conducted during the 1980s and 1990s provided much needed background information about non-custodial mothers. With the exception of Chesler (1986), Greif and Pabst (1988), and Herrerias (1984), these studies lacked theoretical depth. As research continued into the 1990s, similar trends continued until the middle of the decade. At this time, a more theoretically rigorous examination of non-custodial mothers’ experiences became apparent. In particular, Clumpus (1996) used a social constructionist framework to understand mothers’ experiences with social stigma, whereas Babcock (1997) examined social stigma through the use of identity theory. During this decade, we also saw a shift toward focusing more on structural forces that affect women’s experiences in the courts and during visitations with their children.Stewart (1999a) discussed how a mother’s economic situation as well as her living arrangements could impede her ability to see her children. Both issues are intimately connected to gender. Studies by Fox and Kelly (1995) and Christensen et al. (1990) also point to how gender and economic situation affects women’s experiences with custody and child support.

Studies on non-custodial mothers from 2000 up to today have been minimal. Bemiller’s (2005) recent qualitative study, used 16 one-on-one interviews to further understand the connection between being a woman and motherhood in Western society. This study explored how non-custodial mothers define and enact motherhood in a society that emphasizes that mothers should be the primary caregivers for children. Bemiller notes that non-custodial mothers are perceived as ‘deviant’ mothers because they live apart from their children most of the time and therefore are unable to be full-time, intensive mothers. As a result, non-custodial mothers struggled with their role as mother, vacillating between accommodation of dominant definitions of motherhood and resistance of the same ideology.

Other research has drawn attention to non-custodial mothers’ experiences within the family court system. Adding to past research on child support payments, Grall (2007) reported that non-custodial mothers’ and non-custodial fathers’ child support payments were comparable. The proportion of mothers (47.3 percent) and fathers (43.1 percent) receiving full payments of child support in 2005 were not statistically significant. In addition to Grall’s census report, a report from the National Organization for Women (NOW) documented women’s experiences with family court dysfunction in California (Heim et al. 2002). This report found corruption, denial of due process, and gender bias in the family courts. Similarly, The Wellesley Centers for Women published a report that examined violations of human rights laws and standards in the Massachusetts family courts. These violations included failure to investigate allegations of child abuse in contested child custody cases (Cuthbert et al. 2002).

In an attempt to further understand the effects of interpersonal violence (IPV) on custody outcomes, Kernic et al. (2005) completed a retrospective cohort study of 2,516 couples with children under the age of 18 years in Seattle, WA. The authors found a history of IPV in 11 percent of the cases that they examined. Kernic et al. (2005) found that mothers with a history of IPV were no more likely than comparison group mothers to be awarded child custody, although overall mothers in the study were more likely to be awarded custody of children than fathers. The authors also found that fathers who were known perpetrators of IPV were not expected to have third-party supervision during child visitation, but were often remanded to counseling. The overall findings of this study led to the conclusion that IPV is often not identified within the custody proceedings even when there is a documented, substantiated history of IPV present, and that there was a lack of strong protections ordered among cases where a history of substantiated IPV was known to exist.

Future directions

Although the scholarship of motherhood is alive and well within Sociology, the focus on non-custodial mothers has been limited. This article has provided an overview of some of the seminal studies conducted during the 1980s up to the present. As noted, the majority of the studies completed during the 1980s and 1990s were descriptive, lacking theoretical analyses (for exceptions see Babcock 1997; Chesler 1986; Clumpus 1996;Greif and Pabst 1988; Herrerias 1984). Although these studies provided important background information on these women, they did not theoretically frame their experiences, nor did they provide a detailed examination of social forces that affect non-custodial mothers.These omissions open up many possibilities for research with this population of women. One area that deserves attention is the social construction of motherhood for non-custodial mothers. With the exception of Babcock (1997) andBemiller (2005), researchers have failed to examine how non-custodial mothers define motherhood as well as how they enact mothering in light of the contradictions that exist between personal and social definitions of motherhood. It is important to understand how non-custodial mothers define motherhood and mothering because these definitions affect how they perceive themselves as women and mothers. How non-custodial mothers define and enact mothering may influence their day-to-day interactions with their children, ex-spouses, and family. It may also affect how they cope with the status of non-custodial parent.

Along these same lines, recent scholarship on motherhood has addressed the need to examine the diverse experiences of mothers in relationship to the intensive mothering paradigm. Non-custodial mothers provide a unique opportunity to examine accommodation of or resistance to the intensive mothering paradigm. Because these women do not live with their children the majority of the time, and because they are often in financially unstable situations, these mothers may have a difficult time intensively mothering their children (e.g., cooking for them, buying for them, and nurturing them). Bemiller (2005) has examined this issue with 16 non-custodial mothers, but further research must focus attention on non-custodial mothers and the intensive mothering paradigm.

Social stigma also warrants further examination. In her study of 100 mothers, Edwards (1989) reported mixed reactions regarding non-custodial mothers’ experiences. Some of the women in her study spoke of being stigmatized by family, friends, and acquaintances, whereas others pointed to the strong support that they received from people in their lives. Thus, not all women incurred harsh judgments because of their status. Babcock (1997), on the other hand, found that all of the women in her sample had experienced stigmatization, leading them to redefine the role of mother. Babcock argued that this redefinition of the mother role was connected to the social construction of motherhood. Further exploration into non-custodial mothers and social stigma would be useful. In particular, future research should focus attention on factors that lead some women to define their personal interactions as non-custodial mothers as stigmatizing while others do not. Like Babcock’s findings, new research may continue to find a connection between the social construction of motherhood and the definition of and internalization of stigma.

The relationship between custodial and non-custodial parents must also be explored. Past research has given this topic cursory attention, but has failed to discuss how the relationship between parents affects non-custodial mothers’ access to children and their feelings about motherhood. Although motherhood can be empowering for women (Collins 1987; Johnson 1988), it may also be viewed as disempowering if mothers do not have access to children. Given the barriers that some non-custodial mothers face when attempting to see their children, it is important to understand the short and long term effects on the family.

Last but certainly not least, research should continue to explore the connection between domestic violence and child custody in the family court system. Recent research has documented that fathers receive custody of children despite allegations of family violence (Kernic et al. 2005; Neustein and Lesher 2005; Rosen and Etlin 1996). To better understand how and why this happens research must continue to evaluate court processes and decision-making strategies. In particular, research should focus on court appointed custody evaluators, addressing how they handle contested custody cases that involve allegations of domestic violence.

The above-mentioned are only a few suggestions for areas of exploration. Research opportunities are numerous within this population of mothers. Future research should continue to explore the diversity of contemporary family life, contributing to our understanding of motherhood, fatherhood, and family as gendered social institutions.

Short Biography

Michelle Bemiller is Assistant Professor of Sociology at Kansas State University. Her research is located within the areas of gender, deviance, and criminology; she has authored or co-authored refereed articles and book reviews in these areas forSociological Focus, Journal of Family Issues, Gender & Society, Contemporary Sociology, and the Criminal Justice Review. She is currently completing a multi-method analysis of occupational burnout amongst sexual assault and domestic violence workers in the state of Kansas. She holds a BA in Political Science/Criminal Justice from the University of Akron, an MA in Justice Studies from Kent State University, and a PhD in Sociology from the University of Akron.

Note

* Correspondence address: Department of Sociology, Anthropology, and Social Work, Kansas State University, 204 Waters Hall, Manhattan, KS 66506–4003, USA. E-mail:Bemiller@ksu.edu

References

  • Aldous, J., G. M. Mulligan and T. Bjarnason 1998. ‘Fathering Over Time: What Makes the Difference?’ Journal of Marriage and the Family 60: 809–20. Links

  • Arditti, J. A. 1995. ‘Noncustodial Parents: Emergent Issues of Diversity and Process.’ Marriage and Family Review 20: 283–304. Links
  • Arditti, J. A. and D Madden-Derdich 1993. ‘Noncustodial Mothers: Developing Strategies of Support.’ Family Relations 42: 305–14. Links

  • Arendell, T. 1995. Fathers & Divorce. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications.
  • Arendell, Terry 2000. ‘Conceiving and Investigating Motherhood: The Decade’s Scholarship.’ Journal of Marriage and the Family 62: 1192–1207. Links
  • Babcock, G. M. 1997. ‘Stigma, Identity Dissonance and the Nonresidential Mother.’ Journal of Divorce & Remarriage 28: 139–56. Links

  • Bemiller, M. 2005. Mothering on the margins: the experience of noncustodial mothers. Unpublished PhD thesis. University of Akron: Department of Sociology.
  • Chesler, 1986. Mothers on Trial: The Battle for Children and Custody. Seattle, WA: Seal Press.
  • Christensen, D. H., C. M. Dahl and K. D. Rettig 1990. ‘Noncustodial Mothers and Child Support: Examining the Larger Context.’ Family Relations 39: 388–94Links
  • Clumpus, L. 1996. ‘The Feminism & Psychology undergraduate prize 1995: Prizewinning Entry No-woman’s Land: The story of Noncustodial Mothers.’Feminism & Psychology 6: 237–44. Links

  • Collins, Patricia Hill 1987. ‘The Meaning of Motherhood in Black Culture and Black Mother/Daughter Relationships.’ Sage 4: 3–10 Links
  • Collins, Patricia Hill 1990. Black Feminist Thought: Knowledge, Consciousness, and the Politics of Empowerment. Boston: Unwin Hyman.

  • Cowdery, R. S. and C. Knudson-Martin 2005. ‘The Construction of Motherhood: Tasks, Relational Connection, and Gender Equality.’ Family Relations 54:335–45 Links
  • Cuthbert, C., K. Slote, M. G. Driggers, C. M. Mesh, L. Bancroft and J. Silverman2002. Battered Mothers Speak Out: A Human Rights Report on Domestic Violence and Child Custody in the Massachusetts Family Courts. Wellesley, MA:Battered mothers’ testimony project at the Wellesley Centers for Women.

  • Dolan, M. and C. Hoffman 1998. ‘The Differential Effects of Marital and Custodial Status on Perceptions of Mothers and Fathers.’ Journal of Divorce and Remarriage 29: 55–64 Links

  • Edwards, H. 1989. How Could You: Mothers without Custody of Their Children.Freedom, CA: The Crossing Press.
  • Ferguson, S. K. 1994. ‘Mothers Without Children: Implications for Practice.’ Affilia9: 401–16. Links
  • Fischer, J. L. 1983. ‘Mothers Living Apart from Their Children.’ Family Relations32: 351–7. Links

  • Fischer, J. L. and J. M. Cardea 1981. ‘Mothers Living Apart from Their Children: A Study in Stress and Coping.’ Alternative Lifestyles 4: 218–27. Links
  • Fox, G. and R. F. Kelly 1995. ‘Determinants of Child Custody Arrangements at Divorce.’ Journal of Marriage and the Family 57: 693–708. Links

  • Furstenburg, F., J. L. Peterson, C. L. Nord and N. Zill 1983. ‘The Life Course of Children of Divorce: Marital Disruption and Parental Contact.’ American Sociological Review 48: 656–78. Links
  • Garey, A. 1999. Weaving Work and Motherhood. Philadelphia, PA: Temple University Press.

  • Glenn, E. 1994. ‘Social Constructions of Mothering: A Thematic Overview.’ Pp.1–32 in Mothering: Ideology, Experience, and Agency, edited by E. N. Glenn, G.Chang and L. R. Forcey. New York, NY: Routledge.

  • Grall, T. 2007. ‘Custodial Mothers and Fathers and Their Child Support: 2005.’Current Population Reports 60–234. Washington, DC: U.S. Census Bureau.

  • Greif, G. 1987a. ‘Mothers without Custody and Child Support.‘ Family Relations35: 87–93. Links

  • Greif, G. 1987b. ‘Single Fathers and Noncustodial Mothers: The Social Worker’s Helping Role.’ Journal of Independent Social Work 1: 59–69. Links
  • Greif, G. 1995. ‘Single Fathers with Custody Following Separation and Divorce.’Marriage and Family Review 20: 213–31. Links

  • Greif, G. 1997. Out of Touch: When Parents and Children Lose Contact after Divorce. New York, NY: Oxford University Press.
  • Greif, G. and M. S. Pabst 1988. Mothers without Custody. Lexington, MA: DC Heath.
  • Hays, S. 1996. The Cultural Contradictions of Motherhood. New Haven, CT: Yale University Press.
  • Heim, S., H. Grieco, S. D. Paola and R. Allen 2002. California National Organization for Women Family Court Report 2002. Sacramento, CA: California NOW.
  • Herrerias, C. 1984. Noncustodial mothers: A study of self-concept and social interactions. Unpublished PhD thesis. University of Texas at Austin: Social Work Department.
  • Herrerias, C. 1995. ‘Noncustodial Mothers Following Divorce.’ Marriage & Family Review 20: 233–55. Links
  • Hetherington, E. M. 1993. ‘An Overview of the Virginia Longitudinal Study of Divorce and Remarriage with a Focus on Early Adolescence.’ Journal of Family Psychology 7: 39–56. Links

  • Hill Collins, P. 1987. ‘The Meaning of Motherhood in Black Culture and Black Mother/Daughter Relationships.’ Sage 4: 3–10. Links
  • Hochschild, A. 1989. The Second Shift: Working Parents and the Revolution at Home. New York, NY: Viking Press.

  • Johnson, Miriam 1988. Strong Mothers, Weak Wives. Berkeley, CA: University of California Press.

  • Kernic, M. A., D. J. Monary-Ernsdorff, J. K. Koepsell and V. L. Holt 2005.‘Children in the Crossfire: Child Custody Determinations among Couples with a History of intimate Partner Violence.’ Violence against Women 11: 991–1021.Links

  • Maccoby, E. E. and R. H. Mnookin 1992. Dividing the Child: Social and Legal Dilemmas of Custody. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.
  • Mason, M. A. 1997. ‘Read My Lips: Are Mothers Losing Custody? Trends in Judicial Decision-Making in Custody Disputes.’ Family Law Quarterly 31: 215–37.Links
  • Meyers, S. and J. Lakin 1983. Who Will Take the Children? New York, NY:Bobbs-Merrill.

  • Neustein, A. and M. Lesher 2005. From Madness to Mutiny: Why Mothers Are Running from the Family Courts- and What Can Be Done About It. Boston, MA:Northeastern University Press.

  • Rosen, L. N. and M. Etlin 1996. The Hostage Child: Sex Abuse Allegations in Custody Disputes Bloomington, IN: Indiana University Press.

  • Santora, J. and P. A. Hays 1998. ‘Coping Outside Traditional Roles: The Case of Noncustodial Mothers and Implications for Therapy.’ Women & Therapy 21:53–66. Links

  • Schur, E. 1984. Labeling Women Deviant: Gender, Stigma, and Social Control.New York, NY: Random House.
  • Stewart, S. D. 1999a. ‘Disneyland Dads, Disneyland Moms? How Nonresident Parents Spend Time with Absent Children.’ Journal of Family Issues 20:539–556. Links
  • Steward, S. D. 1999b. ‘Nonresident Mothers’ and Fathers’ Social Contact with Children.’ Journal of Marriage and the Family 61: 894–907. Links

  • Thompson, R. A. 1983. ‘The Father’s Case in Child Custody Disputes: The Contributions of Psychological Research.’ Pp. 53–1000 in Fatherhood and Family Policy, edited by M. Lamb and A. Sagi. Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

  • Zuravin, S. and G. Greif 1989. ‘Low-income Mothers Without Custody: Who Are They and Where Are Their Children?’ Journal of Sociology and Social Welfare16: 163–79.

Sociology Compass 2/3 (2008): 910–924, 10.1111/j.1751-9020.2008.00117.x

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The Batterer As Parent

Published March 27, 2006 by Synergy 6(1) P 6-8 Ncjfcj Newsletter

 

The Batterer As Parent

by Lundy Bancroft

 

Research on children's exposure to domestic violence has tended to focus primarily on two aspects of their experience: the trauma of witnessing physical assaults against their mother, and the tension produced by living with a high level of conflict between their parents.1 However, these are just two elements of a much deeper problem pervading these children's daily life, which is that they are living with a batterer. The parenting of men who batterer exposes children to multiple potential sources of emotional and physical injury, most of which have not been recognized widely.

This article looks at the characteristics of men who batter and identifies ways in which these characteristics also influence their ability to parent appropriately. Additionally, the article will address the implications of such parenting for child protective and custody determinations.

Characteristics of Men Who Batter

Most of the characteristics that are typical of men who batter have potential ramifications for children in the home. Batterers often tend toward authoritarian, neglectful, and verbally abusive child-rearing.2 The effects on the children of these and other parenting weaknesses may be intensified by the children's prior traumatic experience of witnessing violence.3 Consider the following selected examples of characteristics of men who batter:

Control: Coerciveness is widely recognized as a central quality of battering men,4 and one of the areas of life heavily controlled by many men who batterer is the mother's parenting. A man who batters may cause or forbid his partner to terminate a pregnancy, overrule her parenting decisions, or assault her when he is angry over the children's behavior. Battered women are far more likely than other mothers to feel that they have to alter their parenting styles when their partners are present.5

Entitlement: A man who batters considers himself entitled to a special status within the family, with the right to use violence when he deems it necessary.6 This outlook of entitlement can lead to selfish and self-centered behavior on his part. For example, he may become irate or violent when he feels that his partner is paying more attention to the children than to him. It is difficult for children to have their needs met in such an atmosphere and they are vulnerable to role-reversal, where they are made to feel responsible to take care of the battering parent.

Possessiveness: Men who batter often have been observed to perceive their partners as owned objects.7 This possessive outlook can sometimes extend to their children, partly accounting for the dramatically elevated rates of physical abuse8 and sexual abuse9 of children perpetrated by batterers, and for the fact that these men seek custody of their children more often than non-battering fathers do.10

Other characteristics that can have an important impact on children include manipulativeness, denial and minimization of the abuse, battering in multiple relationships, and resistance to change.

Influence of Battering on Parenting

The characteristics discussed above influence the parenting of men who batter and have a negative impact on the children by:

  • creating role models that perpetuate the violence
  • undermining the mother's authority
  • retaliating against the mother for her efforts to protect the children
  • sowing divisions within the family
  • using the children as weapons against the mother

Creating role models that perpetuate the violence:
Boys who are exposed to domestic violence show dramatically elevated rates of battering their own partners as adolescents or adults.11 Research suggests that this connection is a product more of the values and attitudes that boys learn from witnessing battering behavior than of the emotional trauma of being exposed to such abuse.12 Daughters of battered women show increased difficulty in escaping partner abuse in their adult relationships.13 Both boys and girls have been observed to accept various aspects of the batterer's belief-system,14 including the view that victims of violence are to blame, that women exaggerate hysterically when they report abuse, and that males are superior to females.

Undermining the mother's authority: Domestic violence is inherently destructive to maternal authority because the batterer's verbal abuse and violence provide a model for children of contemptuous and aggressive behavior toward their mother. The predictable result, confirmed by many studies, is that children of battered women have increased rates of violence and disobedience toward their mothers.15 Some battered mothers make reports of being prevented from picking up a crying infant or from assisting a frightened or injured child and of being barred from providing other basic physical, emotional, or even medical care. Interference of this kind can cause the children to feel that their mother does not care about them or is unreliable. The batterer may reinforce those feelings by verbally conditioning the children through statements such as, "Your mother doesn't love you," or, "Mommy only cares about herself."

Retaliating against her for her efforts to protect the children: A mother may find that she is assaulted or intimidated if she attempts to prevent the batterer from mistreating the children, or may find that he harms the children more seriously to punish her for standing up for them. Therefore, she may be forced over time to stop intervening on her children's behalf. This dynamic can lead children to perceive their mother as uncaring about the batterer's mistreatment of them, and can contribute to her being labeled by child protective services as "failing to protect."

Sowing divisions with the family: Some batterers use favoritism to build a special relationship with one child in the family. As some researchers have noted, the favored child is particularly likely to be a boy, and the batterer may bond with him partly through encouraging a sense of superiority to females.16 Batterers also may create or feed familial tensions deliberately. These manipulative behaviors are a likely factor in the high rate of inter-sibling conflict and violence observed in families exposed to battering behavior.17

Using the children as weapons: Many men who batter use children as a vehicle to harm or control the mother18 through such tactics as destroying the children's belongings to punish the mother, requiring the children to monitor and report on their mother's activities, or threatening to kidnap or take custody of the children if the mother attempts to end the relationship. These parenting behaviors draw the children into the abuser's behavior pattern. Post-separation, many batterers use unsupervised visitation as an opportunity to further abuse the mother through the children.19

Implications for Child Protective and Custody Determinations

Determinations regarding child protection, custody, and visitation in the context of domestic violence need to be informed by an awareness of the destructive parenting behaviors exhibited by many men who batter, and their effects on children and their mothers. These behaviors have especially important implications for children who are struggling with two sets of psychological injuries, one from exposure to the battering behavior and the other from their parents' divorce or separation. Some elements to examine closely when crafting interventions for families include:

Addressing the healing needs of children: There is a wide consensus that children's recovery from exposure to domestic violence (and from divorce) depends largely on the quality of their relationship with the non-battering parent and with their siblings.20 Therefore, in addition to safety consideration, court determinations should take into account whether the batterer is likely, based on his past and current behavior, to continue to undermine the mother's authority, interfere with mother-child relationships, or cause tensions between siblings. Because children need a sense of safety in order to heal,21 juvenile and family court decisions may not want to include leaving the children in the unsupervised care of a man whose violent tendencies they have witnessed, even if they feel a strong bond of affection for him.

Making appropriate assessments, especially in custody determinations: A batterer's history of abusive behavior, and how such abuse reflects on his parenting, needs to be investigated carefully, assessing for the presence of any of the common problems described above and paying particular attention to that children may become a vehicle for continued abuse of the mother.22 Courts need to ensure that custody evaluators have extensive training on the multiple sources of risk to children from custody or unsupervised contact with the abusive parent.

Safely fostering father-child relationships: Except in cases where the children are terrified of the battering parent or have been abused by him directly, children tend to desire some degree of ongoing contact with their fathers. Such contact can be beneficial as long as adequate safety measures are provided for the mother and children and the abuser is not given the opportunity to cause set-backs to the children's emotional recovery. These goals can be fostered through custody arrangements that take into full consideration the violence in the home caused by the battering parent and through the use of professionally supervised visitation, ideally based in a visitation center. Where unsupervised visitation is found to be safe, the use of relatively short visits that do not include overnight visits can reduce the batterer's ability to damage mother-child relationship, limit his negative influence on the children's behavior and value-systems, and ensure that the children feel safe and secure—while still allowing them to feel a continued connection to their father.

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The Batterer As Parent,  by Lundy Bancroft
http://www.volcanopress.com/pages/catalog.cgi?mrchcatid=4&mrchid=81&#top

NOTES

1. See for example, Rossman, R., Hughes, H., & Rosenberg, M. (2000). Children and interparental violence: The impact of exposure. Philadelphia: Brunner/Mazel.

2. Bancroft, L. & Silverman, J. (2002). The batterer as parent: Addressing the impact of domestic violence on family dynamics. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.

3. Margolin, G., John, R., Ghosh, C., & Gordis, E. (1996). Family interaction process: An essential tool for exploring abusive relationships. In D. Cahn & S. Lloyd (Eds.), Family violence from a communication perspective (pp. 37-58). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.

4. Lloyd, S., & Emery, B. (2000). The dark side of courtship: Physical and sexual aggression. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.

5. Holden, G. & Ritchie, K. (1991). Linking extreme marital discord, child rearing, and child behavior problems: Evidence from battered women. Child Development, 62, 311-327.

6. Silverman, J., & Williamson, G. (1997). Social ecology and entitlements involved in battering by heterosexual college males: Contributions of family and peers. Violence and Victims, 12(2), 147-164.

7. Adams, D. (1991). Empathy and entitlement: A comparison of battering and nonbattering husbands. Unpublished doctoral dissertation. (Available from Emerge, 2380 Massachusetts Ave., Cambridge, MA, 02140.); Lloyd & Emery, op. cit.

8. E.g. Straus, M. (1990). Ordinary violence, child abuse, and wife-beating: What do they have in common? In M. Straus & R. Gelles (Eds.), Physical Violence in American Families (pp. 403-424). New Brunswick: Transition; Suh, E., & Abel, E.M. (1990). The impact of spousal violence on the children of the abused. Journal of Independent Social Work, 4(4), 27-34; and several other studies.

9. E.g. McCloskey, L.A., Figueredo, A.J., & Koss, M. (1995). The effect of systemic family violence on children's mental health. Child Development, 66, 1239-1261; Paveza, G. (1988). Risk factors in father-daughter child sexual abuse. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 3(3), 290-306; and several other studies.

10. American Psychological Association Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family (1996). Violence and the family. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.

11. Hotaling, G., & Sugarman, D. (1986). An analysis of risk markers in husband to wife violence: The current state of knowledge. Violence and Victims, 1(2), 101-124; Silverman & Williamson, op. cit.

12. Silverman & Williamson, op. cit.

13. Doyne, S., Bowermaster, J., Meloy, R., Dutton, D., Jaffe, P., Temko, S., & Mones, P. (1999). Custody disputes involving domestic violence: Making children's needs a priority. Juvenile and Family Court Journal, 50(2), 1-12; Hotaling & Sugarman, op. cit.

14. Hurley, D.J., & Jaffe, P. (1990). Children's observations of violence: II. Clinical implications for children's mental health professionals. Canadian Journal of Psychiatry, 35(6), 471-476.

15. Jaffe, P., & Geffner, R. (1998). Child custody disputes and domestic violence: Critical issues for mental health, social service, and legal professionals. In G. Holden, R. Geffner, & E. Jouriles (Eds.), Children exposed to marital violence: Theory, research, and applied issues (pp. 371-408). Washington, DC: American Psychological Association; Dutton, M.A. (1992). Empowering and healing the battered woman. New York: Springer.

16. See for example Johnston, J., & Campbell, L. (1993b). Parent-child relationships in domestic violence families disputing custody. Family and Conciliation Courts Review, 31(3), 282-298. (Johnston & Campbell seem to overlook the implications of many of their own observations - see Bancroft & Silverman, op. cit., for an extended discussion.)

17. op. cit.

18. Erickson, J., & Henderson, A. (1998). "Diverging realities: Abused women and their children. In J. Campbell (Ed.), Empowering survivors of abuse: Health care for battered women and their children (pp. 138-155). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.

19. Bancroft & Silverman, op. cit.

20. See review of studies in Heller, S., Larrieu, J., D'Imperio, R., & Boris, N. (1998). Research on resilience to child maltreatment: Empirical considerations. Child Abuse and Neglect, 23(4) 321-338.

21. van der Kolk, B., & McFarlane, A. (1996). The black hole of trauma. In B. van der Kolk, A. McFarlane, & L. Weisaeth (Eds.), Traumatic stress: The effects of overwhelming experience on mind, body, and society (pp. 3-23). New York: Guilford.

22. For a detailed assessment guide, see Chapter 7 of Bancroft & Silverman, op. cit.

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Talking Points DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, ABUSE and CHILD CUSTODY

Talking Points

The Civic Research Institute  From: Domestic Violence, Abuse and Child Custody-

Domestic Violence, Abuse and Child Custody

 

These talking points were designed for domestic violence advocates and other allies of protective mothers to speak with administrative judges in the hopes of
convincing them to use the research contained in the new book to train judges and
other court professionals and reform custody practices to improve the safety and
potential of children in domestic violence custody cases. Feel free to use any part of
the material in any order that makes sense to support your efforts. Use your own
knowledge and concerns and focus the discussion based upon the local circumstances and situations the domestic violence community is concerned with. If you have any
questions, you are welcome to contact Barry Goldstein at BarryG78@aol.com The
information in parenthesis at the end of each paragraph are the authors of chapters in the book that provide the information in the paragraph.

  • 1. In recent years, the court system has developed many practices that are designed to help parents work together. These ideas include mediation, shared parenting, parenting coordinators, parenting classes, friendly parent approaches and programs to promote communication skills and compromise. These may work well in other cases, but are harmful in domestic violence cases (see Zorza, Fields)

 

  • 2. Over 95% of cases eventually settle more or less amicably. Some of these involve
    domestic violence and could be handled better with domestic violence knowledge, but
    the real problem are the less than 5% of the cases that cannot be settled and will
    require a trial and often much more. Courts usually refer to these as "high conflict"
    cases and literally they are, but 90% of these cases are actually domestic violence
    cases that can't be settled because it reflects an abusive father's tactic of using the
    children as a way to get access to his victim or punish her for leaving. The court system has been very slow to recognize this tactic and instead frequently use approaches that
    collude with abusers to help them maintain control over their ex-partners. Frequent
    mistakes in these cases have resulted in thousands of children being sent to live with
    abusers. (see Zorza, Fields and Goldstein)

 

  • 3. If there was a scientific basis for the custody evaluations regularly relied on by the
    custody courts, the evaluators could tell the courts how their recommendations have
    worked out for children based upon outcome studies. In fact they have no such
    research. This flaw is obscured in part by the assumption that once a court makes a
    decision, the findings are confirmed. Many of these decisions have been discredited by
    later convictions of abusers found to be safe, poor outcomes for children and reports by
    children of horrific abuse after they age out of court orders giving custody to abusers.
    This is not surprising because the research demonstrates the custody court system regularly uses flawed methods that make it difficult for judges to recognize domestic violence and child abuse or understand the consequences proposed orders are likely to have on the children. (see Yeamans, Anderson and Waller)

 

  • 4. The Truth Commission and the research in the book, recommends that court professionals receive not just generalized training in domestic violence, but specific
    training in Recognizing Domestic Violence, Gender Bias and The Effects of Domestic
    Violence on Children. It is hard to imagine any objection to these recommendations.
    The courts can't protect battered mothers and children if they miss the signs of domestic
    violence. Gender bias is particularly difficult because professionals acting in good faith
    often engage in gender bias without realizing they are doing so. The problem is
    compounded because some good professionals have suffered retaliation for pointing
    out examples of gender bias. Children who witness domestic violence, including non-
    physical abuse can face long-term harm as a result, but courts can't protect the children
    if they don't understand the risk. (see Hannah, Crooks, Jaffe and Bala, Schwaeber, Dragiewicz and THE BATTERER AS PARENT).

 

  • 5. Judge Mike Brigner writes that when he trains judges about domestic violence he
    often is asked what to do about women who are lying. When he asks what they mean
    they refer to women who return to their abuser, withdraw petitions for restraining orders,
    fail to make police reports or seek hospital treatment and the myth (obviously they don't
    realize it is a myth) that women frequently make deliberately false allegations of abuse.
    All of these actions are normal responses by women partnered with abusers for safety
    and other reasons. In no way do they support the assumption that the woman is lying.
    Nevertheless the widespread belief by judges, lawyers and inadequately trained mental
    health professionals that it does, results in thousands of valid claims of abuse to be
    disbelieved and other evidence ignored. Similarly, unqualified professionals often look
    only to evidence of physical abuse and in doing so miss a lot of other evidence of
    controlling behavior courts could use to confirm abuse allegations. (see Araji and
    Bosek, Brigner, Schwaeber and Goldstein)

 

  • 6. One of the ways we know there is a problem in the custody court system is the frequent finding of circumstances that are rare. It is certainly possible for a woman to
    make a false allegation of abuse, an abuser to commit one act or a few acts and then
    stop without any intervention or for a mother to suffer from Munchausen by Proxy.
    Accordingly, we can't tell if an individual case was wrongly decided without substantial
    investigation, but when researchers look at hundreds and thousands of cases it is easy
    to see patterns of results that cannot possibly be accurate. The improper practices
    confirm how courts get so many cases wrong. (see Zorza, Araji and Bosek, Dragiewicz
    and Goldstein)

 

  • 7. Most abusers do not beat their victims frequently. Instead they commit one or a few physical assaults and then use other coercive and intimidating tactics to maintain their control. Their purpose is not to enjoy beating their partners but rather to maintain
    control and exercise what they believe is their right to make the major decisions in the relationship. Inadequately trained professionals fail to see the abuser's use of
    excessive litigation, strategies that bankrupt his victim and use of the children to gain access to her as a continuation of his pattern of abuse. When a woman seeks to limit contact with her abuser because she understands his tactics she is labeled as
    uncooperative or unfriendly when better practice would be for courts to use their
    authority to discourage abusive men from intimidating and scaring their ex-partners.
    (see Schwaeber, Fields, Goldstein and Araji and Bosek).

 

  • 8. Many professionals in the custody court system believe they have the ability to determine who is telling the truth just from observing them. There is no research to support this belief and only a very few elite CIA and FBI agents have demonstrated this ability. In the context of domestic violence custody cases this is particularly dangerous because abusers are very manipulative and plan out their tactics to fool the
    professionals. At the same time women's normal reaction to their partners' abuse tends to be anger and emotion and this is used to discredit their concerns. The false belief by professionals that they can tell who is truthful, just from watching them creates a false sense of confidence in these wrong judgments and favors abusers. ( see Schwaeber, Araji and Bosek, Zorza and Washington Post article).

 

  • 9. Over forty states and many other judicial districts have created court-appointed gender bias commissions. These commissions have found widespread gender bias particularly against women litigants. They have found the courts give women less credibility than men, blame victims for her abuser's actions and create higher standards of proof for women. We see this when courts punish women for seeking to limit contact with abusers instead of pressuring abusers to stop their intimidating tactics. We see it when they expect mothers to provide better care of children but don't reward them for their care or punish women more severely than men for extramarital affairs. (see
    Dragiewicz, Araji and Bosek and Zorza).

 

  • 10. In one case, the trial court used a certainty standard for the mother and a probability standard for the father. Even a first year law student would know this was a
    fundamental violation of due process and equal protection that demands reversal. The
    use of the higher standard for the mother was in writing in the evaluator's report and the
    transcript of her testimony. Using a the proper probability standard she admitted the
    father abused the mother physically, emotionally and verbally throughout the marriage,
    did so in front of the children and abused her so badly as to cause PTSD. Accordingly
    the court could not claim the mistake did not affect the outcome. In the two related
    cases between 15 and 20 different judges reviewed the case but failed to object to the biased approach. Clearly the judges were smart enough to recognize the mistake and it
    is not possible they were all corrupt or in favor of abusers. The problem is that for thirty
    years the court system has been using invalid practices and the often inadequately
    trained professionals they rely on have reinforced misinformation so that the judges
    could not imagine a trial judge could be so unfair to a battered mother. They permitted
    a decision where a safe mother was denied any contact with her children and the
    abuser received custody. Only in a broken custody court system could so many judges
    make such an obvious mistake. (see Dragiewicz, Goldstein and Fields)

 

  • 11. More commonly, the higher standard of proof for mothers is not put in writing, but is demonstrated by the many double standards women face. Frequently protective
    mothers are punished because they seek to restrict the father's contact because he is abusive. Courts give custody to the alleged abuser on the grounds that he is more
    likely to encourage the relationship between the mother and children. Once he receives custody, abusive fathers interfere with visitation and take mothers out of their children's lives, but the same courts fail to require the father to facilitate visitation. (see
    Dragiewicz, Araji and Bosek, Zorza and Hannah)

 

  • 12. In a typical domestic violence case, the protective mother claims to be the primary
    attachment figure to the children and that the father abused her and/or the children.
    The father claims alienation. Primary attachment refers to the parent who provided
    most of the child care for the first couple of years of the child's life. Children who lose
    their primary attachment figure are significantly more likely to commit suicide, suffer
    depression, low-self-esteem and other problems. Accordingly it doesn't make sense to
    separate a child from their primary attachment figure unless the parent is unsafe.
    Children affected by domestic violence are as likely as children directly abused to
    engage in a wide range of dysfunctional behavior. There is no research that children
    who hear negative remarks about the other parent (as occurs in most intact families) or
    have mothers who seek to protect them by limiting contact with an allegedly abusive
    father experience any long-term harm as a result. At the same time almost all children
    have a primary attachment figure which is usually the mother because in this still sexist
    society, mothers continue to perform most of the child care. Despite the myths, mothers
    rarely (1-2% of the time) make deliberately false allegations of abuse. False or
    exaggerated complaints of alienation by fathers are very common and is taught by male
    supremacist groups as a tactic to obtain custody. Although the mothers' complaints are
    more likely to be true and significantly affect the safety and potential of the children,
    courts are granting custody or joint custody to the fathers in these cases between 70
    and 83% of the time. (see Sussman, Erickson, Crooks, Jaffe and Bala, Araji and
    Bosek).

 

  • 13. Courts tend to emphasize the belief that children do better with both parents in their lives. This belief is supported by research, but not if one of the parents is abusive. "Fathers' rights" groups have sought to promote and courts have accepted the idea that
    when the parents come to court they should have equal rights to the children. On the
    surface this sounds reasonable, but only if their history of parenting supports this
    practice. There is no reason to treat the parents the same if one has performed
    significantly more child care, has better parenting skills or if one parent has been
    abusive. The best predictor of future parenting is past parenting, but courts often treat
    mothers based on past parenting and fathers on expectations of future parenting.
    These kinds of gender biased practices place an unfair burden on mothers and more
    importantly result in decisions harmful to children. (see Zorza, Erickson, Araji and Bosek)

 

  • 14. The widespread use of mental health professionals for evaluations and expertise
    developed at a time when it was widely believed domestic violence was caused by
    mental illness, substance abuse or the victim's behavior. Courts assumed that the
    mental health professionals had expertise in domestic violence. At the time there was
    no specialized body of knowledge about domestic violence. Mental health professionals
    can help custody courts understand the circumstances when there is credible
    information that one of the parties or the children suffer from a mental impairment that
    significantly affects the ability to parent. There are a few mental health professionals
    who also have substantial knowledge and experience in domestic violence and are
    familiar with up-to-date research. The problem is that most mental health professionals
    relied on by custody courts have at most a few hours of domestic violence training and
    are unfamiliar with the up-to-date research. The research demonstrates they often fail
    to recognize domestic violence because they don't know what to look for and tend to
    minimize its significance. This is particularly harmful because they provide a false
    confidence that there is a scientific basis for their recommendations. (see Yeamans,
    Erickson, Araji and Bosek, Zorza and Fields)

 

  • 15. Best practices are for mental health professionals to consult with domestic violence
    experts when handling a case involving allegations of domestic violence. There have
    been several demonstration projects including Rockland County, New York where child
    protective agencies work with the local domestic violence shelter on cases involving
    suspected domestic violence. The agencies cross-train each other and when
    caseworkers have a potential domestic violence case they consult with a domestic
    violence advocate. This practice has proven effective in helping caseworkers recognize
    and respond appropriately to domestic violence cases. Psychologists and psychiatrists
    are ethically required to consult with experts when they are handling a case that
    involves a subject they are not expert in. It should be a standard practice for evaluators
    to consult with domestic violence experts when they respond to domestic violence
    cases. Unfortunately, these professionals, often with only a couple of hours of training
    in domestic violence and unfamiliar with the specialized body of research about domestic violence wrongly believe they don't need to consult with a genuine expert. Many lawyers don't know to raise this issue when questioning evaluators, but even when the issue is raised, judges rarely discredit an evaluators testimony for failing to consult a domestic violence expert or have familiarity with up-to-date research. (see Zorza, Fields, Goldstein and Hannah)

 

  • 16. The use of psychological tests increases costs, delays cases and creates a false
    assumption that there is a scientific basis for recommendations. Psychological tests
    were developed for populations very different than those engaged in custody disputes.
    They cannot determine issues like domestic violence or parenting skills. They were
    designed to determine mental illness. Psychologists rarely tell the courts that the
    findings are based on probabilities and most tests reach conclusions accurate in 55 to
    65% of the cases. Other factors such as not being part of the intended population for
    the test, domestic violence or the stress of litigation further reduce the percentage of
    accuracy. Mothers' normal response to their partners' domestic violence is often
    misinterpreted as paranoia or delusion. This is particularly a problem where
    inadequately trained evaluators fail to recognize domestic violence and then pathologize
    the victim for believing she was abused. (see Yeamans, Zorza, Erickson and Fields)

 

  • 17. Mental health professionals relied on in custody cases often use a family systems
    approach which is not appropriate and in fact is dangerous in domestic violence cases.
    The approach seeks to have the parties forget past problems and develop new ways to
    work together in the future. This does nothing to change the belief system of abusers
    who are skilled at manipulating professionals who use such an approach. The
    professionals are usually unfamiliar with scientific research including the fact that only
    accountability and monitoring have been shown to change abusers' behavior. At the
    same time protective mothers are punished because they couldn't overcome their fear
    caused by a long history of their partner's abuse. This is another example of blaming
    the victim for her normal reaction to the father's abuse. (see Fields, Zorza and Crooks,
    Jaffe and Bala).

 

  • 18. Context is particularly important in understanding and recognizing domestic violence. Repeatedly we have seen cases in which the court initially determines a mother's domestic violence allegations are false. When the father commits new abusive
    tactics (such as limiting contact between the mother and children after he gets custody
    or using the visitation exchanges to harass his victim, the courts usually refuse to
    consider the new information in the context of prior evidence of abuse on the ground
    that the court already denied the abuse. Courts often miss that the same acts should
    be treated very differently depending on motivation. There may be evidence that each
    party hit the other, but they may not be equivalent. One party may hit harder, one party
    may hit in self defense or to stop his abuse and the other to maintain control, and
    particularly important only one party may fear the other. Both parties may file complaints about professionals in the case. While they both would claim they have
    valid objections it is important to see the context of whether one of the parties had
    previously sought to isolate their partner from friends and family. (see Dragiewicz, Goldstein and Zorza)

 

  • 19. Not all children react the same to domestic violence and child abuse. Inadequately
    trained professionals expect abused children to have serious social or academic
    problems as a result of the abuse. Some children react by taking on adult roles, being
    the good child or zoning out. On the surface it appears the children are doing well, but
    the problems play out years later. Such unexpected reactions often lead to courts
    assuming valid abuse complaints are false. (see Crooks, Jaffe and Bala, Araji and
    Bosek)

 

  • 20. We are particularly concerned with cases involving retaliation against protective mothers and extreme results that give custody to alleged abusers and supervised visits
    or no contact with children to the mothers. Unless the mother is unsafe (drug addict,
    beats the children) such extreme results are virtually always harmful to children. Many
    mothers have been punished for continuing to believe the father is dangerous after the
    court fails to find he committed abuse. Fathers are not similarly punished when they
    continue to deny their abuse after the court finds against him. Given the frequency in
    which courts fail to confirm valid claims of abuse, courts should be extremely reluctant to penalize mothers who continue to complain of their partner's abuse. (see Zorza, Araji and Bosek)

 

  • 21. Surprisingly there have been some judges who object to training about up-to-date
    research in domestic violence based on the belief that somehow neutrality requires
    judges to stay ignorant of this information. In reality such ignorance is not neutral as the myths, stereotypes and misinformation used instead of scientific research strongly
    favors abusive fathers.

The training of judges and other court personnel in domestic violence should be
conducted by domestic violence advocates and other experts familiar with the kind of
up-to-date research contained in this book. It is important that administrative judges
foster an attitude that the present system has resulted in thousands of children being
sent to live with abusers so judges must be open to the likelihood that many of the
beliefs and practices they have long used have been wrong. Courts should consider
holding an evidentiary hearing about domestic violence early in custody proceedings. If
the allegations of domestic violence are true and the other parent is safe (alienation
allegations are not about safety), the non-abusive parent should receive custody and
the abusive parent held accountable. This procedure would save courts time and
money while achieving results that benefit children. Courts should consider not
appointing an evaluator unless there is substantial reason to believe one of the parties or the children have a mental condition that would significantly interfere with parenting.
If an evaluator is used judges should seek experts with substantial domestic violence
training or at least have the evaluator consult with such an expert. Mediation and joint
counseling are always inappropriate in cases with abuse allegations. The safety of the
parties and the children must always be the first priority. Research demonstrates that
the best way to prevent domestic violence is to hold the abuser accountable and monitor his behavior. Abusers tend to be extremely manipulative and court professionals must be careful to avoid colluding with an abuser. Most important, we are not seeking to challenge or criticize judges, but rather to work together to support the policy and laws of every state which is to prevent domestic violence.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Domestic Violence 20/20 News